So She Just Wants To Be Friends

So She Just Wants To Be Friends?

Well, life sucks, and then you die. Usually this means you're pretty much up shit creek without a paddle. Women can really suck, huh? I don't think any phrase can inflict as much pain on a love-stricken male as "Let's Just Be Friends." Yet it continues to happen everyday. And some poor sap is always left a lifeless blob of flesh as the woman he longed for reaches deep into his chest and rips the heart from his ribs, then proceeds to laugh as she throws it on the floor and (wearing high heels) stomps on it mercilessly (Yet they maintain that they don't want to hurt our feelings!! What the hell?!). And not only that, she enjoys doing it!! Typically these women are the good-looking, flirtatious type who know they're good looking and enjoy eating poor saps like us for breakfast. Why? Nobody really knows, but I think it's because they get some sort of power trip when they can get men to follow them around like dogs begging for a bone (no pun intended). Whatever the reason, the fact is, these women are dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. However, if you are just now reading this and it's too late to heed my warning, then let's look at what to do when the girl you've been carrying a torch for decides that it's "just friends" for you.

Definitions

Pla·ton·ic (pl&-'tä-nik, plA-): Latin platonicus, from Greek platOnikos, from PlatOn
1 capitalized : of, relating to, or characteristic of Plato or Platonism
2 a : relating to or based on platonic love; also : experiencing or professing platonic love b : of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex

Friend ('frend): Middle English frend, from Old English frEond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frEon to love, frEo free
    1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : Acquaintance
    2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
    3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
    4 : a favored companion

Pla·ton·ic Friend (pl&-'tä-nik, plA- 'frend): Same As Above
1 : one whom carried a torch for another and was quickly dispatched with the infamous "let's just be friends" line.

There May Still Be Hope! (WARNING!: Do Not Read This Paragraph If You're In Denial!)

It's true that some girls say "Let's Just Be Friends" if they want more time to get to know you first. However, this is usually not the case. If you ask her where you stand with her and you've only known her maybe two or three weeks, then you may fall into this category, especially if you have noticed signs that she may be attracted to you. So there's still hope for you, DON'T BLOW IT! Just take it easy, and don't press yourself onto her. I cannot stress enough the important fact of being yourself around a girl. If you act like one person around her, and another around other people (such as FRIENDS, women hate it when you act different around friends. Especially since most men become total assholes.) she's not going to be interested for very long. Chances are, if she's attracted to you, it's because of they way you have presented yourself to her, so for your sake I hope you act like yourself, or you're going to be visiting this site again real soon! Look forward to seeing you! :)

For The Rest Of Us

Join the club, membership's free. Well it looks like you've found a platonic friendship wither you wanted to or not. Aren't women so fantastic!? They can totally bulldoze the crap right out of your heart, and then keep you roped by telling you they want to be your friend. And guys, being powerless against the female charm and beauty will soon become willing slaves until they find another to which they can crush on. And though I can sit here and repeat until I'm blue in the face that while we're busy drooling over what can not be, plenty of other single and interested females are seeking out your companionship. Even though I don't care, I'm just as guilty as the next guy when it comes to letting go. I just can't. Why? Because "she's so perfect!"

How To Handle Your Newly Found "Friend"

By now your probably aching from every bone in your body and wondering what now? The girl of your dreams just turned into the nightmare of your life, and you're at a loss for what to do next. You don't want to be her friend because that means having to witness her going out and hanging off of other guys that you think aren't good enough for her! I mean, what do they have that you don't? What makes her attracted to them and not you? Huh? So you think to yourself, well if I agree to be her friend then she can see what she's missing and maybe she'll *snap* out of it and I'll get her then! Unfortunately many guys fall into this trap, which is pretty much the beginning of their downfall into a state of denial. Forget it guys, it's never gonna be, so you may as well save it for the next girl. And try to contain that massive rage of jealousy as soon as you see her with another guy, especially the guy she talks about a lot, it's not the guy's fault, he's an innocent. No reason to kick the ass off a loser whom has no clue he's hurting you. Or even if he does, no matter how good it may feel to beat his ass, put yourself in his shoes...would you date her? What a stupid question! Of course you would, why? Because, obviously you like her now don't you?! Some people's kids, sheesh! Alrighty, with that said, let's move onto the symptoms and steps of handling your friend!

The Symptoms of Gaining Your New Friend

Loss of sleep (Many sleepless nights thinking about her)
Depression (Not sure what to do next, your world is over!!)
Imagining What Could Have Been
Over-active Tear Glands (In some cases!)

These symptoms tend to last for a week or so (maybe less in some guys, longer in others) and can make you seem like the world is ready to be over. Well I'm afraid, short of you committing suicide (which I DON'T recommend.), your world is no where near its end. So bite the bullet and you'll make it through just fine. Well I'm lying about the "just fine" part, in reality you'll feel dead inside for the entirety of these symptoms, but you'll make it nonetheless. I promise. ;)

Steve's 5-Step Process to Recovery!

STEP 1 (Stalking)

After given the horrible luxury of being a "friend," you'll more then likely get this sudden urge to become "more involved" in your friend's life. This is a big no-no. Whatever you do, DO NOT "stalk" your new friend. In other words, do not follow her around everywhere and try to see if you can make something impressive happen so she'll see you and suddenly realized she's made some sort of mistake (like after all this time she's just going to suddenly change her mind. My you have quite the imagination and a terrible state of denial!). Do not follow her around and spy on who she's hanging with, or which guy she's really interested in. Sorry buddy, but it's not your business and you're only going to make things worse, and possibly cause the end of your "friendship."

STEP 2 (Personal Favors)

Most guys tend to and like to do personal favors (get your minds out of the gutters, I didn't say "sexual") for their crushes. This is all fine and dandy, I mean you have to let her know you're interested somehow, right? But come' on, after she's told you that you're her new friend, don't KEEP wasting time and effort on a lost caused!! Would you fix the car of, clean the house of, buy lots of things for, volunteer, drive around for, run errands for, and jump for one of your same sex friends? All in the course of a day!? Of course not, if you do, well you have quite the relationship, are you sure you're not gay? Anyway, take it easy and save yourself the fundage. Trust me, you're pocket book will thank you and so will your bill collectors. :P And use YOUR time for YOUR errands, otherwise you'll never get anything done! Got it?

STEP 3 ("Friendly Comments")

Now you are both probably a little awkward around each other now that you have told her how you really feel about her. It's important that you break this awkwardness or risk losing her as even a friend. Many times a guy will admit his feelings, have his heart ground out by the "friends" line, and then leave it at that, even though they both agreed to be friends. Watch those "friendly comments" though. They can be dangerous if not used properly. By "friendly comments" I mean the ones like "That's why I love you" or "but you're cute when..." It's good to use 'em, but just not over every little thing. Pick appropriate times and throw them in there, and soon she'll grow accustomed to hearing them and you have an outlet for your true feelings without causing someone to try and avoid ever seeing you again. :P

STEP 4 (Touching)

Yes, we all know she has the most GORGEOUS body on the entire face of God's green Earth. And though you long to touch it, be very careful. It's okay when you need to move her out of your way, you can gently place your hands on her shoulders or arms, and gently move her to the side, sometimes you can get away with grabbing her waist (be careful with this one!) and moving her. Sometimes if they're having a rough day, reach up and massage the back of her neck, most girls enjoy this. Bad ways are just reaching out and just grabbing her ass, or other "off limits" parts! This can get you angry looks, a hand print on your face, and even some time being Bubba's Bitch and a restraining order on your ass with a Sexual Harassment charge, not pretty. :P

STEP 5 (Your Own Person)

Okay, so you've completed steps 1-4 and you're beginning to feel a little better about yourself, and think you can survive maybe one evening without trying to call or see her...good! We're making progress!! The final step is to remember, YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON! Which means, before she came along you were fine, right? You made your own decisions, claimed no woman could ever get you to bend to her will, and pretty much did your own thing, right? Yah, you did. So just remember, you did it once, you can do it again! At least until the next flame lights your torch. Remember, she's just your friend now, which means she's the same as another one of the guys. You don't have to do everything she says, and you don't have to talk to her or see her everyday now. You should start doing your own thing again, that way you can fall for another and be right back on this page in no time! :)

STEVE, YOU'RE SO RIGHT, BUT I NEED MORE INFORMATION! WHERE CAN I GO FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT MY NEW PLATONIC FRIEND?

No problem! There's a guy who goes by the name Joe Logon, who has a WONDERFUL website about this subject. If my 5-step process hasn't helped, or even if it has, I suggest you stop by his site and take a look-see. It's worth it.

It's called "I Just Want To Be Friends"

Alright, enough Steve. Take me back home.